Whenever some salacious allegation or insinuation was leaked from Ken Starr's office straight onto the Washington Post's front page, the pundits and moral scolds and opportunistic political opponents threw up their hands and collapsed onto their fainting couches (see Digby's Hullabaloo for this meme) (in between sexual liaisons with their mistresses, gay lover/masseuses, bathroom attendants, rubber suits, various farm animals or other) and cried in unison, "What will we tell the children?" So, I thought I would begin a series of answers to this question:
Tiger Woods: "Sometimes Daddy likes to cuddle with other Mommies, and this makes Mommy sad, so Mommy has to break a nine-iron over Daddy's head."
Larry Craig: "Sometimes Daddy secretly doesn't like Mommy, but likes other Daddies, so Daddy goes to the public bathroom to find other secret Daddy-likers, and plays giggle-fun-time with other Daddies. In his mouth. Or in the butt."
John Edwards: "Sometimes Daddy--wait, who was he again?"
Mark Sanford: "Sometimes Daddy has no f*#ing clue what it is to be an adult human being and coccoons himself in a self-centered little fantasy world to rationalize his selfishness. I mean, Daddy, um, never mind."
No doubt I will file new such explanations as long as the media are titillated, scandalized and self-righteously outraged by whatever new sexual relations among celebrities or politicians.